It never stops hurting, does it? Giving someone a part of you and watching them choose someone else. I fell so hard for this girl that I face-planted on the floor. I’m the type of guy that goes all in on a relationship. I think it’s because I am very picky with whom I decide to open up to; however, when I think I finally found someone, then I give her everything I have, and I want to find someone that gives me as much back. A relationship is a two-way street, and I need the other person I decide to be with to understand that. Most of us will go through a painful heartbreak at least once until we have found the one. I’ve only been in one serious relationship before meeting this girl. My first relationship taught me almost everything! From how to be a gentleman to what to look for in a woman. I learned everything else from listening to my friend’s problems, my own experiences since, and learning about interpersonal psychology in college. I’m happy to say I found the perfect girl. You might have been able to guess from the beginning portion of this blog that this story has no Disney happily ever after ending...at least, not yet.
Let me start with our back story, then I’ll do a dive deep on what happened. In May, one of my friends, Abel, had a baby shower. Honestly, I wanted to go his baby shower only to play the baby bottle drinking game. Yes, I was there to support Abel on this very important life event he was about to start, but this game was also very important to me. It wasn’t until halfway through the baby shower that she caught my attention, but that was mostly due to her trying to make sure everyone was having fun and that the party was going smoothly. I remember seeing her and thinking she was cute, but there was something about her. I couldn't keep my eyes off of her. I tried not to stare too long or too much because I didn’t want to come across as a creep if she caught me looking (haha). Maybe it was the glow she had? Maybe it was the vibe she gave off? Or maybe it was love at first sight? I didn’t know what it was, but all I knew was that I wanted to spend time with her to learn more about her. I found out who she was by stalking my friend's Facebook page and learning her name. GLENDA! I added Glenda on Facebook, and I prayed to all the Gods for her to accept my add. The next day, while I was looking through my Facebook news feed, I noticed she added me back. You don’t know how happy I was when the add finally sank in. I did not waste a second and began chatting with her. Everything started great! After messaging her for about two weeks, I wanted to kick it up a notch and get to know her in person to see if I was right about my hunch. I eventually asked her to grab a cup of coffee with me, and she agreed to meet me at a Starbucks. I arrived early, and she arrived late...typical. I learned that she was Abel's cousin, and Abel is my cousin's cousin. Just in case you're wondering, that's three degrees of separation and she's no where near my direct line family tree, so it’s fair game. Anyway, after getting a cup of coffee with her and learning more about her, I felt I wanted to go on a date with her. I scrambled to find a place we could go eat, but I wanted to do something a little more than just a cliché dinner. That’s when I found out about the Zelda Symphony at Wolf Trap! Let me pause here to say it was an awesome first date, and after this date, I realized why I liked her so much. I’ll admit I was nervous being around her, and at the end of the date, I felt like I may have dropped the ball. We still talked a lot after the first date, and I remember thinking maybe I didn’t drop the ball as badly as I thought. I wanted to go on a second date immediately after, but August arrived and it was a bad month for me. Work picked up and my paycheck went straight to bills. I was exhausted by the time I got home after work, and the best dates cost money. Our communication slowed down as a result, and I blame myself. I should have at least sent Glenda a message to explain how tough work had been and that she was always on my mind. Don’t get me wrong. I tried to get her out on some weekends to do small things together, but something always came up between both of our schedules. I was also looking into reserving a venue for an awesome second date while all of this was happening. Around this time, Glenda thought I was trying to back out because I wasn’t talking to her as much. By the time I had real funds, confirmed everything with the venue, and time to go on a serious second date, she developed an interest for some other guy. You can imagine a barrage of arrows striking my heart and dying when she broke the news to me.
We were exchanging messages about all this, and I was going through a rollercoaster of emotions the weekend this bomb went off. I decided we must see each other and get on the same page. Glenda agreed, and we talked it all out at a park close to where she lived. Glenda began to tear up almost as soon as she saw me waiting for her. I can’t get that image out of my head. Glenda blamed her tears on allergies, and I bought her excuse at first. We talked for about an hour, and it all came out. Glenda liked me, but liked this other guy too because of how things played out between us. I think she began preparing herself for the worst when our communication slowed down, and she moved on to this other guy so she wouldn’t get hurt. I told Glenda the reason I wasn’t talking to her as much and I wasn’t trying to push her away. It was actually the opposite! Work got in the way, but I don't think Glenda understood my dilemma because she doesn’t have a job right now. Glenda has all the time in the world but no funds to do anything, whereas I don’t have time because of my job/career, but I have the funds to do everything. During our talk, I noticed she couldn’t stare at me too long or she would cry again. That’s when I knew there is definitely something between us. We have chemistry, but we didn’t give it enough time to brew and see what could have been. By the end of the conversation, Glenda ultimately decided that she wanted to see how things would work out with this other guy, and she did not want me to wait around for her.
Glenda doesn’t know how I really feel about her, and to be honest, I didn’t realize how hard I fell for her until it was too late. Her decision hurt me so much, but that’s when I realized something. I realized that I genuinely love her. I’ve never felt this way about anyone, and I was in denial about being “in love” with her because I feel that love should not be said so easily. Being “in love” to me means caring for someone beyond all rationality and wanting them to have everything they want no matter how much it destroys you. When you love someone, you don’t stop, ever! You don’t stop loving them, even when people roll their eyes or call you crazy, especially then. You don’t give up because, if you give up, if you could take the whole world’s advice and move on and find someone else, that wouldn’t be love. That would be some other disposable thing not worth fighting for. Most of my friends are against me going after Glenda and they will kill me if they find out, but to me, she is worth fighting for.
So, what now? Glenda has made her decision, but like I said earlier, I will fight to win her back. I don’t know how long it will take to get her back, but I will keep pushing myself until the day arrives. For now, I must give her space and let her relationship take its course. Maybe she’ll get over this other guy soon or maybe he will find someone else he likes. Wouldn’t that be something? Whatever happens, there’s no way I can win her back right now. I mean that I must get in shape. The good news is, I know Glenda’s personality, her likes, and what she’s looking for in a guy. Dragonball Z is one of her favorite animes. Can you believe that? A girl that actually likes Dragonball Z is like finding a unicorn out in an open field! We have so much in common, but for me to win her back, I have to transform into someone like Gohan (Gohan is a fictional character from Dragonball Z). I’m already halfway there! I’m just as smart as Gohan. I mean, I received my Master’s Degree, which should equate to being smart, right? The only thing I must work on is getting fit to look like him. This is the hard part, but I’ve always wanted to get fit. I’ve always been slim, small, scrawny, or whatever you want to call it. I’ve worked out here and there, but it was never consistent, and I lacked the motivation to get fit in the past, but now, I am super motivated to accomplish this. I’ve set the goal to get as buff as I can in 3 months. I know that’s a short time to get super buff, but I’ve seen success stories of people pulling off huge changes in 3 months. I have to give it all I got in 3 months and keep pushing myself afterwards. In three months, it’s New Years, and it’s very possible I’ll see Glenda at the New Year's party that our families get together for. I must get muscle by then no matter what! Otherwise, the next time I’ll see her will be at my cousin, Hanzel’s, wedding in October of 2018. I’m about 1 month in now, and my body is taking form but I also need to bulk up, not just get chiseled.
You are caught up to where I am right now. Writing everything is very therapeutic, and I’ve deleted this blog a few times to get out what I’m really trying to say. I’ve been looking out to the universe every day for a sign that will tell me it will all be ok. A part of me is still looking, but I think I found a sign recently in the form of an old friend, named Marly. It’s been more than two years since I last spoke with Marly, but I felt the need to fix that. This is probably another story for another time, but I contacted Marly to apologize and ask her help. Despite not talking to her for two years, she welcomed me with open arms, and we met up this past weekend. Marly has always been someone I enjoy talking to, and I feel comfortable telling her everything. Nothing has changed, even after not talking for those two years. For example, I thought we would meet up and talk for an hour, but we ended up talking for 6 hours instead! We even had someone come up to us and tell us we were talking for a long time! I’ve asked many people for their advice, and I received a broad range of responses. The advice I received had an underlying theme in common, but Marly’s advice was different. Everyone’s advice was based on their experiences, but Marly’s advice came from her heart. Marly’s advice resonated with me, and after thinking it through, I decided that I will lead with Marly’s advice and see how things play out. I’ll keep you guys posted on my workout progress and how things work out with Glenda. I’m feeling very optimistic and hopeful, right now. Pray for me or wish me luck, guys!